Optimize workflow DB updates

[berekuk]

This is done on top of #3450 and #3452; I recommend reviewing and merging those first.

In this PR, only the last commit matters, 8306c4e

I'm not sure if this is going to help, but it's a result of my investigation of performance and the discussion with Claude: trying to avoid upserts, doing separate create and updates.

Btw, I hope that creates and updates happen in order; if they don't, somehow, because the DB locks and a few updates are queued up, and then those are executed in a random order, then we might end up with an older final version of the workflow. If this is the cause of disappearing workflows issue, then at least I added some logging here.

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Latest commit: 8306c4e

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[OAGr]

This looks fine to me. The main patch you flagged as the important one is pretty small.